Do what you do best

So I have been writing so much about why he did or didn’t, forgetting why I started this blog. It’s has and will always be to express myself, and share who I am with the world. I cried so many time when stuff fail, and I have failed so many times at relationships, so many times, I am not syre if I know what victory feels like. Tuth is I failed me and it hurts.

Why I though this could have gone differently, when I do the same things each time. It affects every single aspect of my life. So am doing what I do best. Blame me, am taking responsibility for not seeing the powerful sight by guarding my heart responsibly.

My spiritual life is affect by my natural interactions daily. Its why I may have suffer so dearly. On the good side because am over powered by the heartbeat that drives me I find ways to express my thoughts, emotion and fears vividly.

It’s a nudge I get daily and a craft, I wil allowed God to use for for his honor and glory.

So I carry a pen with me, with the intentions to impact my readers and listeners daily. It’s not easy but once it’s done I can sleep peacefully.

Flouke, it’s not okay!


Choosing Me!

Yes am up, he is up. It’s funny how most of my late dark night stories tends to start with him. Why? It’s not an attraction anymore, it’s not a will submit to a every urge and single desire, he has or that I wanted to please.
I don’t care anymore, but just if he saw me they HE sees me, the way HE capatures every moment, and craved my every though, just if, only if, he would see how much he missed. The damage, was just re mature labor to birth the me the HE said I will be.

The, struggling to build a morning routine, please it’s no one fault I hate waking up to loud noise or by name being called, or late phone calls. I never seem to have enough sleep. Yes, like I was saying or more like typing.

My struggle for change is real, so bad that my mind gets weak when am trying yeild to the supirority off what I need to be. I think about it, I sleep on it, now am planning for it.

This me though, that me he sees, smiles, he still doesn’t see how he missed HIS journey, already forfilled in me. I am happy, and humble to see how comfortable people can become getting 5% of me in another bean. To ensure there image looks good, or with hopes that it increases there quality of humanity. The me that feared it actually would have we could be THEE, proudly I stand to say. God created something better for me☺️

No you may never see the me that HE sees, nope not every bean can actually see me, 🙃 everyone was not meant to be part of my destiny.
Fictitous saying or should I say charm of a product of an unrealistic soroity, can only last as long as the wind blows, and fashion becomes just a contagious cold.
Yes it’s ok, I am ok with the way the God’s see. He knows the fullness of my capacity, or the need, I need to know me. So, yesterday’s reflection, don’t let it become and infection, I now walk with, my intuition and flow in my function.

Greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world. I open my hand to receive me, where it rains all for God’s glory and prosperity.

Nope no man can predict GOD’S mind the raw material that was placed inside me by the Great God, the Almighty, are trees planted by the river that flows from the fountain off life.

Knowing me is all I need and that reflection, that will to continue, to change, and rearrange for God’s honor and glory will always be done naturally.



God, am writing because I honestly not sure if I have strength. I need your strength. I hope out off writing tonight I can feel the joy, and happiness I felt on that day. I don’t talk about, but I wonder why give me a moment like that? 😢 I understand you have your ways but in all aspect of my life, I feel like it’s so hard or honestly failing. I know am not perfect but I try, I try so hard. I just want you to know if I hear one more bad joke, or one more thing that refers to me being worth less than others or even seen as dishonest, or unworthy off something that I truly knew you gave to me, I am tired just a heads up. Tired, but am trying to smile threw it and make it.. Nobody really know how I really feel. I never a got a chance to tell him or any one.


I just realize that the last time make was actually excited about saying that I am theirs was 7 years ago. I am saying the years went by quickly. I blamed the men who i would have been within my mind, only just realizing I compromised and failed every time. Also, I realized that the last person, who did want me had been after me for years we had something bittersweet, I always knew it won’t work but we grew attached had sex and it all went all over. I got into debt and since then till now still paying for them, only know a minute ago I realize how serious we need to be with the sin we know for a fact is not predestined by faith and God. It’s 2019 and is trying to figure how I got here, So the names went in this order trust letter basis, laying my dirty shame down tired if carrying it around. KM, had a girlfriend pursued me as if she did not exist I gave in thinking he would see me, he did but could not let her go ten years was not to be wasted he said, update, married to her, still will jump me if given the opportunity, KC school mate meet at the mall we always liked each other he however wanted someone more like him he found her, update daughter raveller


Love can thaw a cold heart😍, yes those were the words of Olaf as he motivates Anna. I looked at this movie a few times and never really saw the depth of the Love story. This time I looked at it because a friend of mine confess of his undying love for the sound track”Let it Go” mind you he would have used these words to end certain conversations he does not like to have, therefore I myself adapted the “Let it Go” mentally differently.

Initially, I went with the ideology most went with, Elsa being a lesbian or something of the sought, don’t quote me there, but think about it, she was basically depressed and isolated, the power grew in her became a reflection of the stuff she was dealing with mentally. Her thoughts changed and so did her superpower.

Elsa could be any one of us, some of us have the same ability to freeze everything we can’t deal with, however, we become Ice cold, and we do build a castle of protection in the form of friends or association that help us hide or encourage our self-pity and poor habits. This over time seems like where we belong, we eventually get used to creating cites of Ice and letting go of our sleeves in obesity of continuous comfortable addictions. Or we naysay, this makes me feel good or I am ok with it, nothing wrong with building an empire of hatred hurts and self-dependency.

I myself struggled, my issue was unforgiveness which is a power that actually can turn our families, friends, and our God gave, purpose to rock hard ice. Waiting to be bulldozed by aggression and rage.

But God’s love..that unadulterated, pure, obtainable, free, forgiving, warm, love of God overtook me once I realize there is no other being that will kill his only son for me. I daily consciously chose to be free. I continuously allow God to thaw my cold heart.

Reality is Anna is now seen as an example of a true act of God’s expression to his undying love for his first institution Family.

So let’s go out daily loving each other as we love ourselves. Sharing warm hugs like Olaf, despite our nature to be cold.

Love you guys❤